All four of the Wonderboy trophies represent something different – a different goal, a different attitude, a different origin. One represents the first, the beginning of Wonderboy. One stands for ineptitude. One is a reminder of the latest story in Wonderboy '20.
Looking at them, inscriptions aside, it's hard to tell them apart. All consist of a small marble base with felt bottom, a figurine made from molded plastic colored to resemble gold, and engraved tags. And yet, the Horse's Ass trophy has a unique visual marker that makes it stand out from its three siblings.
Between the base and the lid, holding the pedestal and figurine in place, what was once a smooth, shiny surface now is held together with duct tape. From afar, if you aren't looking for it, you wouldn't notice, but up close, it is clear there is a story behind this tape.
There is in fact a story, and it's a damn good one involving Saturday afternoon at Wonderboy, a perennial runner-up and a future Wonderboy Fellow.
The following is the account of what happened a year ago on Feb 22, 2020, when the Wonderboy participants were mid-tournament at Wolf Lake, as told by those who witnessed it.
Paul Trahan: There we were, hanging out in the basement, waiting for lunch to start, and of course, you give a group of Wonderboy players too much time, we'll find a way to mess something up.
Andrew Selluski: Well, when you do those type of events, sometimes scheduling is a little bit of an issue, timing wise. They woke us up early morning for tug-of-war and logsaw, then herded us back inside, and said, "We're going to start lunch at 2pm."
Russ Snow: We got down there a little early.
Andy Forsyth: We had gone upstairs for lunch, and then it turned out we were there a couple of hours early and they sent us all back downstairs. We were just waiting in the basement, waiting, pacing, anxiously excited.
Ryan Lumbard: You knew something was going to go wrong when you have the four trophies sitting on a table in the basement, especially with [Greg] Doaner with idle time.
The WB participants were moved to a games room in the basement floor, out of the way during the preparation of lunch. There they waited until it was time to line up again and eat lunch.
Steve Pate: The first thing I remember is Chuck going around, asking person after person, "Hey, pull my finger."
Selluski: Chuck was getting upset cause no one wanted to pull his finger. No one wanted to find out "Who's there?" either. But Chuck kept on asking people. It was getting annoying. Then Chuck started going on about how he was the best crokinole player.
Forsyth: Rhyno is like, "There's no way anyone's beating me and Doaner today at crokinole."
Pate: Somebody had the bright idea to tell Doaner he might have a shot at winning Wonderboy if he won crokinole.
Kyle Cooper: There's no way Doaner could win WB, so I don't know why someone told him that. A little strange.
Pate: All of a sudden, Doaner grabs the Horse's Ass trophy.
Lumbard: You see Doaner with the trophy, and there's Rhyno guaranteeing a win at crokinole, Chuck is cheering cause The Mez pulled his finger, and Roach is prepping for the closing ceremonies, doing a sound check with the fake microphone. Doaner now has the trophy raised in the air, glad that he hadn't gone for a smoke break and missed out on the fun, listening to Roach and imagining he won WB. He's definitely not going to spike it.
Forsyth: He's not going to do anything, right?
Dave Panko: My first thought was if it's Doaner and he's standing up there with the trophy, and he thinks he's won Wonderboy, he's not going to not spike it. He's definitely going to spike it. Alain isn't cheering real soft. He's whooping it up pretty hard.
Selluski: I see Doaner standing at the laundry room where they've been chatting, waving the trophy around like he's trying to attract attention, but I say to myself, "Certainly that's just Doaner having some fun. He would never spike the ground with that."
Cooper: I was like, he's not actually going to spike it. I don't think Rhyno thought he was going to actually spike it.
Anonymous WB participant: Everybody who was there watching was thinking the same thing, but also wanting to see it. It was kind of like our child side was like, "We really want to see this happen," and then our adult side left the room. We were just like, "Let the kids play."
Pate: I mean, I know it's Doaner, but there's no way he's going to doing anything with the trophy. Then The Mez pulled Chuck's finger and Chuck started laughing so hard he was crying. Everyone else joined in. You could see Doaner thought people were cheering for him and he got real excited. I'm watching the thing evolve like it's in slow motion.
Trahan: The Mez pulled Chuck's finger. Chuck started cheering. Doaner felt great not be missing out. Then he spiked the trophy.
Snow: It sounded exactly what you think a trophy hitting the ground would sound like.
Forsyth: Smash.
Cooper: Bang.
Pate: Thwack.
Panko: Tink.
Lumbard: Everybody went wild like Doaner just won Wonderboy.
Panko: Everyone starts jumping around and everything because Doaner just spiked the trophy.
Trahan: Everybody went crazy.
Selluski: That was not my reaction.
Forsyth: I saw the look on people's faces like I see on Drew's face when he's done something that he shouldn't have, and Doaner's got a little grin. Then I turn to our fearless leader Roach. I see the look on his face, and it dawns on me, "Oh goodness. Something has gone awry here."
Trahan: We looked down at the trophy like, "Oh my goodness. There's a dent in the Horse's Ass trophy."
Cooper: It's more than just a dent. I mean, the thing's in pieces on the floor.
Selluski: Now, we're all under the impression these are replica trophies, then we learned that indeed these were not replicas. These were the real trophies.
Alex Little: And it's not a cheap trophy. It's top-of-line.
Trahan: You can't hide that it's in pieces. Everybody literally went to the trophy and saw it. I think Doaner thought it was more funny than anything.
Cooper: The funniest thing about it all was it actually was a really good spike. Like it was perfect technique. I don't even understand how he controlled the Horse's Ass. If the Buccaneers had touchdown spiking practice, that would be teaching tape for them. He does everything perfect.
Hammond: It was one of the more reckless things I've seen in my life.
Little: I doubt we're going to be allowed to be alone with any of the trophies ever again. Every single time I see it, I'm just like, I can't believe that happened.
Trahan: I'll give Wolfman credit. It wasn't the reaction I was fearing. He was very receptive. It's hard to explain at first. "He did what?" It's hard to picture where this was and what happened.
Cooper: Not exactly what we're looking for, but if it had to happen on that day with all of us that were there, the one guy that I would say, "Okay, maybe he can get away with this" would be the perennial 2nd place winner and the future Wonderboy Fellow.
Snow: I mean, I'm glad it wasn't me pulling Chuck's finger.
Hammond: Nobody would have done that but Doaner.
Trahan: Maybe they'll fix it down the road. That's something they can always fix in the future, but at least for now, we're going to keep the duct tape and tell the story.
Forsyth: I don't think the value of the trophy is diminished at all. I think, if anything, it's increased because of the story behind it.
Cooper: We had even more fun at the closing ceremonies and they awarded the Horse's Ass to Doaner and he held up the duct-taped trophy. That trophy means just as much as any other one, but we had a little bit of fun with that one.
Snow: I love that's how he ends it. It's going to go down in WB lore: the duct tape on the Horse's Ass by Doaner.
Pate: I heard WB News reported that Doaner threw it "in a fit of pique". I don't know what that means, but Doaner's not that fit.
Trahan: He's going to go all out no matter what he's doing. What you see is what you get with him. He always has the biggest smile in the room, even when he's just photo-shopped in, so to see him have a little fun right there in the basement at Wolf Lake, maybe at the expense of priceless WB history, he's earned every right to do it.
Selluski: What kind of lesson does this provide? Break a trophy and we'll award it to you? What happens next WB when Doaner spikes the actual Wonderboy trophy? The Awards Committee definitely didn't think this one through.
